So i’ve more or less been living like a zombie for the past however long.
Living without thinking, living on autopilot, focussing just on putting one foot in front of the other. Living only in the present moment and forgetting everything once the moment’s passed. Not thinking about the future or in long arcs. I guess this has to stop at some point, for that isn’t really living.
Life is starting to get interesting again; new things and people coming in and I find myself starting to be optimistic about it all. To facilitate this movement away from zombiehood and to kinda help ensure I don’t fall back into being a zombie, I thought I’d try starting a small project: once a week, to state something that
a) I am grateful for, or that had made me happy
b) I’m looking forward to in the coming week and
c) a goal for the coming week.
So, let’s start right away!
Grateful/happy: The very cool weather yesterday morning made me smile, made me relax, made me enjoy. Grateful for that nice spell in between all the stifling heat we’ve been having. Also grateful for friends whom I’m going out with later. :)
Looking forward to: Majorly looking forward to buying and learning the ukulele! :) :)
Goal for the coming week: Shall start with an easy one; to not be late for lessons next week. Was late so many times this week. How embarrassing.
Sometimes you can only to do much. Sometimes, you can only bring yourself up to such a point. Then you have no choice but to cover up that last distance by pretending. You know: smoke your way through; just wing it; make do the best you can; put on your game face. Pretend you know what you’re doing. Pretend that everything is fine, is great! Act confident, act happy, even though you’re not. And soon enough, even you’ll start buying it. Tell people “I’m fine!” enough times, act the part of ‘fine’ enough times and it’ll become a habit, a ritual. You’ll forget you were ‘pretending’. That’s when you realize that you’re no longer pretending.
Did you know that when you force yourself to smile, your mood improves?
Sometimes, lies can become truth and reality. Sometimes, you have to change from the outside in…