Sits like a stone


It sits like a stone.

like a habit you just can’t break.
like a place you automatically head for
even though it’s now gone empty and cold
and the comfort it used to give
now just a memory.

you turn it over and over and over
running your fingers over the contours
tracing the faint lines and crevices
trying to uncover something new, something you missed.

It sits like a stone.
in my mind.

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Unconsciously searching


It’s so stupid when you’re so tired
Yet refuse to go to sleep
“Just a while longer…”
one more game, one more article, one more site…
Searching unconsciously for that one thing
Some drug
Of satisfaction, of contentment.
The icing on the cake
Dotting in the dragon’s eye
Before switching off and logging out
and being able and willing to end the day.

You won’t find it where you’re looking.

Too bad.

 

I still think of you.


I still think of you all the time.

I think of you when I wake,
and before I fall asleep.
I think of you before class starts,
and immediately after class ends.
I think of you when I’m happy,
I think of you when I’m sad.
I think of you when something exciting’s happened,
I think of you when I’m bored to death.
I think of you when I’m alone,
I think of you when I’m with others.
I think of you when I’m feeling insane,
I think of you when I’m calm.
I think of you when I’m slacking,
I think of you when I’m working.
I think of you when I’m at home,
I think of you when I’m out.
I think of you when there’s a physical reminder,
I think of you even when there’s none.
I think of you…

It’s a thought habit
that I have no clue how to break.
How do you break a thought habit?
How do you break a heart habit?
Everything reminds me of you– remind me of you,
because I saw you as an extension of me.

My voice is too loud in my skull
I’m sick of my own company.

Banish thought.