Not.


Reality seeps
through my fingers.
I am
not.

One foot, then another
moving but going nowhere.
Unseeing eyes
unsmiling smiles.
Pumping blood
without a heartbeat.

They’ve turned from
a misplaced reality
into fading memories
ashen grey and almost-but-can’t
forgotten

Reality was taken
but was not replaced.
I am
not.

Demon II


Dear demon,
I know you inside and out;
you don’t scare me. (Much).

Dear demon,
I can’t block out your whispers.
They swirl and lodge in my brain.
But I can ignore them as best I can–
Delegate them to background noise.

Background noises may eat at your soul
Slowly eroding away your sanity.
But at least they can’t reach controls
And I live to see another day.
(Although you tell me I don’t want to
and I half believe you.)

Background noises “disappear” as you acclimatize to them
Even though they’re always there, plaguing your subconscious.
“The secret is, I’m always angry.”
You could hope they’d fade for real, in time
But… how can you tell?

Dear demon,
I know you through and through;
you don’t scare me.
You are me.

You’re not external made internal
I’m not ‘demon-possessed’
(People who think otherwise–
out sourcing your ‘bad’ to demons and your ‘good’ to angels–
who are you then?)

You’re internal
made detached.
Filtered out and quarantined
Leaving just the sane for the world to see.

We all have demons
The only demons we ever need to battle
are ourselves.

Demon I


Everyday
A demon whispers in my ear.

you don’t want to live
he breathes
you don’t want to be here
you don’t want this, any of this

imagine the blade
across your skin
silently slice, slice, slice
again, again.
hypnotizing comfort.

imagine the height
imagine the flight
what a rush!
of adrenaline and wind

Along the streets and roads
come and crash us down, come on.
Around the corners
sudden headlights and screech of brakes, come on.

what else does he say to me?
no one cares.
what else does he say?
you’re as alone as can be.
its echo-y in my head

((no one cares))(caress)(caresss))
((you’re alone))(alone)(lone..))

you don’t want to live
he coos
your life, so dead. empty. meaningless.
there’s nothing here. 

Everyday
A demon whispers in my ear.

Featherdale Wildlife Park


I recently visited the Featherdale Wildlife Park in Sydney Australia, so here are some photos!

Noisy Miner (Manorina melanocephala), a native Australian bird. Although this guy wasn’t one of the residents of the park. Winter makes all the birds so fat! x)

Blue-winged Kookaburra (Dacelo leachii), a large species of kingfisher native to northern Australia and southern New Guinea.

A row of White-breasted Woodswallows (Artamus leucorynchus), although they aren’t true swallows and are more closely related to the Australian magpie.

Pink dot updates!


I’m back from Sydney! We went sand boarding and whale watching and all was awesomeawesome. It would be nice if I can upload photos and do a proper entry for my quick holiday, but I’m not sure if I will have the time to. :(

Anyway, being in Sydney was the reason I missed this years Pink Dot, so I’ve been combing through the videos and pictures from the event and it looks BEYOND AWESOME. Simply watching the videos makes me grin so widely and feel like crying. If I had been there in the swaying crowd singing along to ‘True Colours’, I would probably have been bawling.

When I went last year, the sense of community and belonging was already so strong. You look around you and it’s so… strange and refreshing. Positively heartwarming. You get this surprising sense of… oh wow, I’m not alone after all. There are people just like me! A surprising sense of feeling comfortable and at home. Surprising because you’re so accustomed to the norm that you don’t realize those out-of-place feelings are constantly there until you have this to contrast it with.

To think it was just last year when I attended with my ex; I wore my platforms plus borrowed a pink shirt from her. She was fully decked out in a pink yukata.

Well, I won’t say too much since I wasn’t even there this year. Shall leave you with some links to articles and pictures and sharings of the event. :) Can’t wait to be a part of this next year! It’ll be even bigger and better! <3

Shout out from Jason Mraz! Aw, I like him even more now. <3

Singapore shines at Pink Dot 2012!

Featured on inSing!

On the Wall Street Journal: Pink Dot in Singapore Highlights Gay-Rights Debate
A straight person’s (very moving!) perspective: Elyssa on facebook
Msn news: Pink Dot Breaks Record with 15,000 Attendees