How time flies. I thought April had just began– for that matter, I thought 2012 had just began. Now it’s past mid-april. Next week end april, then May. Then June. And half the year’s gone.
Next week it’ll be end April… and soon it’ll be time to pen another letter.
I’m afraid. This will probably be the last. Then the road forks up ahead and a new chapter begins. More accurately, a new book. I’ve been doing it at my own pace, and now the time has come– is coming. I’m ready– or, I hope I will be. Pen poised over paper.
I’m afraid, but also not. More… anticipatory? Weary, cautious. Wanting to hope, but not daring to. Excepting the worst, and the best. Not particularly certain what is the best or worst; not particularly certain what is it I’m hoping for or what I should be hoping for. Blanketed by a sense of resignation, preparatory acceptance: I’ve done what I have to and I’ve done my best.
I’m afraid, but also not. Excitement? Partly, but not exactly either. Because… the future is out there, and it’s coming whether you like it or not. And if there’s anything certain about the future, it’s that it’s filled with unknowns. A sea of unknowns rushing up to meet you. Don’t you feel a tingle? Fear mixed with giddy excitement. The next wave could bring you to the highest point yet–on top of the world!– or give you your most spectacular wipeout. Fear mixed with giddy excitement. Now that’s what life’s about.
Hope, mixed with the risk and thrill of potential failure. Mmmm, what a flavoursome mix!