Suffering > Joy

A simple equation.

Take all the suffering in the world. Past, present, future.
And then all the joy in the world. Past, present, future.
Perhaps they even out, in the sense that the joy makes the suffering worth it.

Do you think so? We often think that falling is worth it to learn to run; a thousand failures are made up by the eventual success. (but of course, we have to think that, else how would we go on?) Does this apply on a global scale? Throughout all of history? It’s easy to dismiss your own suffering and focus on the things that make you joyful. But to bring it to a global, historical scale seems to be dismissing other people‘s suffering, which I don’t feel I have the right to do. But perhaps we can assume that everyone dismisses their own sufferings and elevate their own joys. So, while it still seems It seems doubtful that global joy would be worth global suffering, let’s just assume it is.


Take all of the suffering in hell.
And then all the joy in heaven.

By sheer numbers alone, the suffering in hell would be many, many, many, many times the joy in heaven.

And this would be God’s overview. He would see that many more would end up in hell than in heaven. And somehow he chose to go ahead with his entire plan.

If you tried to say that the joy is worth the suffering, this time you have no choice but to dismiss someone else’s suffering. And what would balancing out the overwhelming abundance of suffering, in terms of numbers?? God’s own joy in heaven?

How can that be all-loving or all-good? There’s nothing loving about eternal hell, or dismissing the suffering of many as necessary for attaining a certain good. There’s nothing good in prioritizing your own interests and glory over others, even if the ‘others’ are ‘lower beings’ compared to yourself.

Don’t tell me ‘god works in mysterious ways’. I can accept that we can’t understand God. I can’t accept that an all knowing, all powerful God is not able to simplify the concept into something we CAN understand, rather than leave us with a contradiction-filled idea. And then fault us for not getting it.

In an ideal world, it would be a non-issue

From Rachel Patrick’s post on LGBT-BJU over here.

But I never wanted to be one of the PRIDE kind of queers, the activists, the vocal ones, the ones with rainbow tattoos. I feel I am defined by so much more in my life than my sexual orientation. I feel like there is so much in my life that is actually more important than my sexual orientation. I love to read, hike, cook, write, snowboard, and garden. I like to get my nails done. I go to church. I am obsessed with Clemson football. I am just like everyone else. I am just like you.

am just like you, except for the fact that in twenty-nine states, my employer can fire me because I am gay. I am just like you, except in the nineteen states that still do not classify violence against LGBTQ individuals as hate crimes. When I want to adopt or foster a child, I am treated exactly like you… if I live in one of the ten states that allows GLBT people to adopt. And I am just like you, because when I fall in love, I want nothing more than to love and care for my partner with everything that I am, with all of my heart and all of my resources, for all of my life— I want to get married someday, except, I can’t.

Sexual orientation should be a non-issue. In an ideal world, no one cares. People love whom they love. God loves everybody. The end.

But we do not live in that world.

Obviously the ‘God’ bits don’t apply to me, and I don’t live in America but… everything else. This.

In an ideal world, to me too, it would really be a non-issue. Along with my gender identity and how I choose to present myself. The clothes I wear, the way I style my hair. But we don’t live in that world.

Not yet. 
One can always hope.

Hope + Fear = Flavoursome mix of life

How time flies. I thought April had just began– for that matter, I thought 2012 had just began. Now it’s past mid-april. Next week end april, then May. Then June. And half the year’s gone.

Next week it’ll be end April… and soon it’ll be time to pen another letter.

I’m afraid. This will probably be the last. Then the road forks up ahead and a new chapter begins. More accurately, a new book. I’ve been doing it at my own pace, and now the time has come– is coming. I’m ready– or, I hope I will be. Pen poised over paper.

I’m afraid, but also not. More… anticipatory? Weary, cautious. Wanting to hope, but not daring to. Excepting the worst, and the best. Not particularly certain what is the best or worst; not particularly certain what is it I’m hoping for or what I should be hoping for. Blanketed by a sense of resignation, preparatory acceptance: I’ve done what I have to and I’ve done my best.

I’m afraid, but also not. Excitement? Partly, but not exactly either. Because… the future is out there, and it’s coming whether you like it or not. And if there’s anything certain about the future, it’s that it’s filled with unknowns. A sea of unknowns rushing up to meet you. Don’t you feel a tingle? Fear mixed with giddy excitement. The next wave could bring you to the highest point yet–on top of the world!– or give you your most spectacular wipeout. Fear mixed with giddy excitement. Now that’s what life’s about.

Hope, mixed with the risk and thrill of potential failure. Mmmm, what a flavoursome mix!

Unconsciously searching

It’s so stupid when you’re so tired
Yet refuse to go to sleep
“Just a while longer…”
one more game, one more article, one more site…
Searching unconsciously for that one thing
Some drug
Of satisfaction, of contentment.
The icing on the cake
Dotting in the dragon’s eye
Before switching off and logging out
and being able and willing to end the day.

You won’t find it where you’re looking.

Too bad.