The memories. They won’t stop– they keep flashing past my eyes of their own accord.
I’m getting so sick of treading on this worn out path, this rut. It feels like I’ve been stuck here forever. The same bleak scenery stretching on in all directions, the sticky muck and sharp, rocky debris underfoot. I know it hasn’t been forever, i know it hasn’t be that long, objectively. But sometimes it sure feels like it has been too long, too long.
“Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.” One foot in front of the other, that’s it, I keep reminding myself. Often it’s necessary to tread through rough patches to get to your paradise, get through that darkest hour before you’re rewarded with the light of day. This is all a part of life. It may not be pleasant, but you can’t escape it and in retrospect it won’t be take bad. In retrospect you will probably even be able to appreciate it and be grateful for it. Probably.
Sometimes I think I catch a glimpse of a new horizon, a new path, a new landscape just around the bend, and I’d smile and feel assured that I must be on the right path, and all I have to do is keep pushing, I’m nearly there.
Then the next thing I know, it seems I must have taken a wrong turn, or accidentally trekked backwards, or maybe I went in a circle… I’m not even sure if I’m on the right path, maybe I should go where it branches off suddenly over there…
As someone wise and purple once said, If you don’t know where you want to go, then it doesn’t really matter which way you head in…
If i knew what the outcome is ‘supposed’ to be, if I knew which outcome was best, then I could pick myself up from here and now, and plop myself right there. And head straight there in a straight line, and start preparing myself NOW for that. Cut out all this messy bits, I don’t care so much for the figuring out any more, it stopped being fun. I don’t want to be stuck here forever, just give me the answer, whisk me to the next pitstop, so I can move on from there and get on with it.
But there’s no ‘Supposed to be’, there’s no ‘Right Answer’, there’s no ‘Designated Pitstop’.
It’s the journey that matters, not the destination. Rather, there IS no Destination.
Life is a journey. Like reading a book or playing a computer game. If you cut to the end just to find out what happens, it really can’t be said that’ve you’ve read the book or played the game, much less that you’ve enjoyed them. Cutting the chase would be missing the point entirely.
… Doesn’t make the frustration and impatience of feeling like you’re stuck go away though.